Roses and muscle cream: how scent carries memory
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Visiting my grandparents for a week in the summertime was a tradition of my childhood. Each day my sister and I escaped the “seen and not heard” policy in the house to run free in the yard and at the school playground across the gravel road. Since we were rarely allowed in the front room (kept for company, of course), we always used the back door. This required a harrowing trip through the bees that swarmed the rosebushes my Grandmother had planted along the house. To this day, the scent of a sun-warmed tea rose takes me back to those days.
Scent is one of the strongest senses tied to memory. The reason behind this seems to be related to the anatomy of our brain, according to Venkatesh Murthy, chair of Harvard’s Department of Molecular and Cellular Biology. He shares that scents “are handled by the olfactory bulb, the structure in the front of the brain that sends information to the other areas of the body’s central command for further processing. Odors take a direct route to the regions [of the brain]…related to emotion and memory.” See full article.
This was illustrated for me recently when I came across a tube of Aspercreme in the grocery store. After a quick look around me, I opened the cap and inhaled the eye-watering aroma, instantly transported to a sofa in my mother’s basement. There I sat every day after high school swim practice, talking to my boyfriend on the phone while rubbing that muscle cream on my aching legs and arms. The boyfriend is long gone, but the memory is still sharp and crisp in my mind.
We all have scent memories of times past and of people who are no longer with us. Maybe it is the aroma of cookies baking, or a favorite recipe being prepared that takes you back. Or perhaps it is the leather of a well-worn baseball glove, a can of shaving cream, or the breeze coming off the ocean.
When someone we love dies, re-creating these scent memories tied to our time with them can stir warm feelings and bring us back to the times we shared. Sometimes these memories can take us by surprise, and are unwelcome, but many can bring comfort. So, buy that muscle cream, make that recipe, head to the beach, or stop and smell those roses. Your loved one will be with you there.
Have you ever been caught up in the moment and paid more for something than you planned? We’ve all been there. Maybe it was the new car after you got that promotion, the newly-released cell phone, or the upgraded cable/internet package that they talked you into when you called to cancel your service. When a death occurs, there is often so much to think about and so many decisions to be made, that it can be hard to be sure you are making the right choices. Sometimes this can lead to spending more than you normally would. Planning ahead lets you to calmly and carefully consider all of your choices, selecting only the products and services that you desire. Our experienced staff of preplanning professionals can explain all of your options, so you can make the choices that are right for you and your family. During the preplanning process, you will design the funeral service that you want, and arrange all the details, such as location, minister or celebrant, songs to be played, people to be recognized in your obituary, etc. This will take the burden of decision-making off of your loved ones, and give them peace of mind knowing that the service was exactly what you wanted. We will provide you with a clear, itemized list of services and merchandise, which will serve as a road map for your survivors to follow. You can set aside funds to pay for the arrangements in advance through the purchase of a funeral insurance policy. Life insurance policy funds can also be allocated to pay for funeral expenses, at the discretion of your beneficiary. Planning ahead allows you to fully consider all your choices, and avoid emotional overspending, so if you'd like to learn more, please give us a call.
“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next to find ourselves.” – Pico Iyer Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more. Grief can be isolating and lonely. Traveling can serve as a reminder to yourself that there is a whole world out there outside of the walls of your home and familiar places that may remind you of your loss. A vacation may be the last thing on your mind. However, it can aid in your grieving journey by not forgetting that you are grieving but making it easier to remember good times with your loved one. We’ve come up with four ideal vacations to consider to enrich your heart and soul, melt away stress and have a deeply rejuvenating and meaningful adventure. The Cruise Vacation Being away at sea can be healing for grieving on both an emotional and health level. Nothing says adventure like booking a voyage and being whisked away on a ship to forget about real life for a week or so. On a cruise, you’ll be waited on hand and foot and have access to food around the clock, on board entertainment and an environment of elegance and fun. Plenty of sunshine gives your body a Vitamin D dose, which boosts the immune system and offers natural anti-depressants from positive endorphins. Fresh ocean water also produces positive mental function and respiratory health. As a big plus, there are cruise packages for every budget. You can book anything from a quick 3-day cruise to Mexico or the Caribbean, to a 14-day Alaskan or Mediterranean voyage. The Therapeutic Vacation While there is a time for adventure, for some the grieving journey calls for complete relaxation. In this case, an all-inclusive resort package in a tropical location may work wonders. Perhaps a more budget-friendly option is a getaway to a cabin or bed and breakfast? Many people choose to book stays specializing in therapeutic relaxation and spa treatments. All of these are awesome options if you want to lower the cortisol levels in your body and enjoy the soothing relaxation of treating yourself. In the United States, locations like Colorado Springs, Colorado, and Asheville, North Carolina can offer plenty of rest and relaxation. If you’re thinking of adding stamps to your passport, the Icelandic or Irish countryside can rejuvenate you. The Physical Activity Vacation Many people choose to grieve by engulfing themselves into rigorous physical activity. This is a great way to de-stress while improving your health and adding years to your life. Some people might choose vacations with world-class fitness centers or challenges, while others prefer to embark on natural physical challenges including climbs, hikes, and trails. Climbing Japan’s Mt. Fuji not only to physically exert yourself but also to boost your emotional health through confronting and conquering a challenge. You’ll have stories for life when you decide to explore natural rainforests or go kayaking through British Columbia or New Zealand. The Sight-Seeing Vacation Taking in breathtaking monuments, structures or natural wonders do a lot to expand your horizons and touch your emotions. These vacations work to put life and the world into perspective, which is essential in any grief journey. There are countless sights and landmarks to see. A trip to check out the Grand Canyon, Eiffel Tower, New York Skyscrapers, Swiss Alps, Great Wall of China, Pyramids of Africa and the list goes on. You can’t go wrong with any of these vacations. Comb through them to see which touch your heart and fill needs that will help your mental, physical and spiritual health.
As we approach Memorial Day, we’re reminded that this day is more than just a long weekend or the unofficial start of summer. It's a solemn occasion—a time to pause, remember, and reflect on the extraordinary sacrifice of the brave men and women who laid down their lives in service to our country. Memorial Day is about honoring those who never came home. It's a day to recognize the weight of freedom—the cost of which has been paid in lives lost on battlefields near and far. From the beaches of Normandy to the deserts of the Middle East, these heroes fought not for recognition, but for a cause greater than themselves: the preservation of liberty and the protection of the values we hold dear. But our reflection doesn’t stop there. While Memorial Day specifically honors the fallen, it's also an opportunity to acknowledge the living veterans and active service members who carry the burden of memory and continue to serve with courage and dedication. Their stories, resilience, and sense of duty remind us what it truly means to serve. This Memorial Day, let’s remember with gratitude, honor with intention, and live in a way that reflects the depth of their gift. To all who have served—and to those we have lost—we remember you. We honor you. We thank you.
Grief is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we go through as human beings. Whether someone is mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a long-held dream, the pain can feel isolating and overwhelming. If you’re reading this, chances are you care about someone who is grieving and want to know how to support them in a way that is loving, respectful, and helpful. That’s a beautiful first step. Here’s a guide to approaching these delicate conversations with empathy and grace. 1. Be Present More Than Perfect You don’t need the perfect words. In fact, there aren’t any. Trying to "fix" their grief or offer silver linings can unintentionally minimize their pain. Instead, focus on showing up. Your presence—physically, emotionally, or through a simple message—speaks volumes. Sometimes, "I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you" is exactly what they need to hear. 2. Avoid Clichés and Platitudes While phrases like "They’re in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" may be well-intentioned, they often feel dismissive to someone who is in deep pain. These kinds of statements can imply that they shouldn’t feel as bad as they do, which can create guilt or frustration on top of their grief. Instead, try: “This must be incredibly hard.” “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” “I’m here with you, no matter what you’re feeling.” 3. Follow Their Lead Grief doesn’t follow a timeline or a template. Some people want to talk about their loved one. Others might not be ready. Some may want a distraction, while others may want to sit in silence. Let them set the pace and the tone. Ask open-ended questions like: “Do you feel like talking about it today?” “Would it help to share some stories, or would you rather sit quietly together?” Respect their boundaries without pulling away. 4. Be Comfortable With Silence Silence can feel awkward, especially when we want to offer comfort. But for someone grieving, the space to simply be—without needing to explain or perform—is a gift. Just sitting with them, holding their hand, or being a quiet presence can provide deep comfort. 5. Offer Specific Help Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try to offer something concrete. Grieving people often don’t have the energy or mental clarity to make requests. Try: “Can I bring you dinner on Tuesday?” “Would it help if I took care of [a specific task] for you this week?” “I’m going to the grocery store—what can I pick up for you?” Even small acts of service can be a huge relief. 6. Don’t Rush Their Grief Grief has no deadline. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Continue checking in—on anniversaries, holidays, or random days. A quick “Thinking of you today” message can mean the world. Let them feel what they feel, when they feel it. Your steady presence can be a grounding force in a time when everything else feels uncertain. Supporting someone who is grieving isn’t about having the right answers—it’s about showing up with your heart open. Be gentle. Be kind. Be patient. Grief is messy and unpredictable, but knowing they’re not alone makes all the difference. The best thing you can offer isn’t advice—it’s love
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